As a child I dreamed of being right where I am this very moment. Living my life as a mother. Washing clothes, playing with babies, singing songs. I'm one of the few people that are able to say, I'm living my dream. I wanted nothing more in this life than to have babies. God gave me the desires of my heart and I could not be happier. My boys teach me something new each day. If you would have told me that they would teach me something, I would have disagreed seven years ago. I thought I 'knew' it all. Ha! Was I ever wrong. My dream didn't land me the easiest job in the world and I'm sure it's going to have several bumps and road blocks along the way. Regardless, God is in control. He knows exactly the paths these sweet boys will take. He has trusted them to me and I'm going to do my very best to be a good example for them.
Back in March we celebrated Tuck's third birthday. Three years ago, my life was full of anticipation as I awaited the birth of our second child. All moms can vouch when I say regardless of how prepared you think you are, you're never fully prepared. Our lives were changed the moment our little bear took his first breath. With a delivery that happened faster than I had imagined, a broken collar bone, a round, pudgy little face and a head covered in red hair, Tucker William was here. Overjoyed to have him in my arms, our newest adventure began.
Behind the closed doors of our home, he's full of life, spunk, laughter, and such a chatter box. Get outside of the realm of just the four of us and he turns into this extremely quiet and shy little boy. He's a momma's boy, for sure. He'll hide behind my leg, give pouty faces, and the child can throw some looks with those eyes. I will admit, he gets that from his momma! I'm learning that he's a bit intimidated by crowds, but loves to be the life of the party if he feels comfortable. Hmm... who does that sound like, his daddy, maybe?
That soft, white skin, bright blue eyes and those little freckles popping up, he's a cutie. A big smile, with all those little baby teeth, how can you help but not smile at him. His crooked smile, now that one gets me the most. He loves to give me hugs and kisses. Daily he tells me, "momma, you da super-dest best!" I mainly get this phrase after assisting him in the bathroom but hey, I'll take what I can get. I love when I put him down for a nap or at bedtime when he asks me to sing twinkle-twinkle. If I sing to loudly he'll tell me to turn it down, sometimes I have to turn it up.
After he gets his twinkle song, he works his blanket to the perfect corner and says, "some for you, momma". He has this little habit of working his blanket to each corner and he'll flick the tip of that corner just on the inside edge of his nose. Quirky, yes... precious, absolutely melts my heart. When he started "some for you, momma", I knew this was a little Tucker-Momma thing and I treasure it. Somedays I'm rushed to get him down for a nap or just completely worn out by 8:30 at night but each time he says, "wait momma, your corner..." have mercy, be still my heart. If I try to make it out the door without beating the bed bugs with a shoe, he kindly reminds me to "beat those bugs, momma!"
He loves to sing and I love to hear him sing. His giggle comes from the bottom of his tummy and I can't help but laugh along with him. His tiny hand reaching for mine reminds me that he needs me. The tender touch of his hand as he rubs my back when I carry him, reminds me I need him. Eskimo kisses, priceless. His pudgy little feet, the wild hair on his head, the facial expressions, each thing about this sweet baby (and yes, he is still my baby at three) were perfectly chosen by God.
Chosen by God, for me. Really, me? I look at him daily, Carter too, and I so desperately want to slow down the hands of time. It seems like Tucker should only be one, not three years old. Carter, almost seven, seems impossible. How did we get here so fast? Those thoughts of wishing I were a parent are here. It's up to me to either rush through the day and miss the little things or not. I now know what my Momma meant when they were tiny, tiny babies and she said, "just enjoy them, they'll grow faster than you know." It's happening. They're doing just that. It makes my heart sad but happy at the same time. I watch them both and I'm so grateful and the words thank you just aren't enough. How did God choose me for them?
One morning instead of doing my normal routine, I grabbed my camera and followed Tucker. My mind had been contemplating documenting our day for a few weeks. I rounded the corner and saw him sitting in the kitchen floor, I knew that was the day for me to do so. He's consumed with all things monster trucks. As he sat quietly on the floor, flipping pages and pushing Monster Mutt, I snapped away. As most toddlers do, he was off in a matter of minutes. On to something new. He jumped on the bed, he ran to the playroom, he pulled out toy after toy and I just kept snapping. Later, just before nap time, I heard something and to my surprise he was on the kitchen counter. He decided he'd just get a few pieces of candy from the candy jar.
Where am I going with all of this? It wasn't until after I loaded the pictures to my camera that I realized I miss way too many blessings by the hustle and bustle of life. Too much time sweeping, cleaning, or on the computer. All that stuff doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Nope, not at all. They need me now. They need my attention, my love, my all. They're will be time to organize closets, dressers, and all that other nonsense later. Right now, it's time for them.
He's three now. Before I know it, he'll be six. I can only imagine how much he will change in the next three years. I can't help but wonder if his shyness will fade away and he'll become Mr. Social Butterfly or will he always be hesitant around crowds. Will he always be a thinker, an observer? Will he still share his corners with me and I can only hope he'll ask me to sing twinkle-twinkle to him as he goes to bed. Will he still rub my back and call me the "super-dest best"? Only God knows what tomorrow holds. My prayer is that my bear is happy and that he knows how very, very much his momma loves him. As our bedtime song says, "how I wonder what you are..." I often ask myself that as I watch him fall to sleep. What will you become, Tucker-bear, what will you become?
I'm months behind with this birthday ramble but it was a happy birthday to you and to me Tuck. I am amazed by your joy. Each day you make me smile, laugh, and realize just how precious life is. I pray God's blessings over you with each passing day. May your life be filled with happiness, love, and peace.
I love you to the moon, don't let the bed bugs bite.