Memory Monday

September 27, 2009  Our sunset.

Tessa

Thank you to each and everyone of you that have been praying for Tessa. I am sad to say that she is no longer here on earth. God saw fit for her to leave this place this evening. I can't imagine the pain the family is feeling, the way their hearts feel shattered, and empty for a person they love so deeply. My thoughts have been consumed today with what the outcome of all of this would be. I've prayed today, I've cried today, and at this moment all I can say is I am numb.  I keep asking myself what if I knew I had a week to live. Would I change the way I'm doing things? Would I rock my boys to sleep, would I call my Granny and Papa more often, would I reach out to the homeless man on the street? Would I read my Bible more? Would I find a quiet place and seek God's will for my life, daily?

I've watched my babies playing today, giggling and I've stopped and said, thank you God for allowing me this moment. Thank you for my health, my family, and for each small blessing that so many days I over look and forget to stop and thank you for. As I said yesterday, I've not seen Tessa or most of her family in years. I do, however, remember playing with her and her sisters as a little girl. I remember looking forward to going to my grandmothers house in hopes that they would be next door for me to play with. Years later, I sit here typing about how Tessa's life, although I've not been a part of it in so long, has spoke to me in more ways than I can say. I've always known I'm not promised tomorrow, but I have promised myself that I'm going to quit worrying about the little things that at the end of the day don't really matter. I'm going to let the laundry go, or put the mopping off another day to sit and play with my boys. Read a book to them, or call that dear friend I've not talked to in weeks, months, or years. I promise myself to love my family as if this is the last moment I'll ever see their sweet faces. I'm going to cherish the giggles of my sweet boys as if I'll never hear it again. I'm going to look deeper into Travis' eyes and thank God for sending me a man that loves me and provides for me the way he does. I'm going to do my absolute best to live my days as if they were my very last one. Most importantly I'm going to walk closer, hand in hand with God. I want to stand before Him with no regrets when He calls me home.

I ask that each of you that is reading this, please continue praying for her family. Her husband, her daughters, her parents, her sisters, and the many, many friends that Tessa leaves behind. May they hold the memories that they shared with Tessa closer then ever. May they remember her smile, her personality, and her love for each one of them. Memories are all we can cling to when God calls one of our loved ones. I pray for each and everyone of the family members tonight.

To Jason, I can't even begin to understand how you feel tonight. I can only imagine that you are in shock, and you are feeling lost and alone. I pray that God will help you find a way to overcome each of those things and remember all the wonderful times you and Tessa shared together. May you never forget the way she made you laugh, or the way you felt knowing she was your best friend. I pray that God will keep you, comfort you, and heal your heart.

To your daughters, it is my prayer that God will let them find a way to understand what they have been faced with today. May they always know that a love a mother has for her children is undying, it's everlasting, and that without a shadow of a doubt they were her purpose on earth.

To Tessa's parents, God bless you. As a parent, I can't understand your hurt either. God's purpose is not always clear right away but without a shadow of a doubt... God took her home to teach us something. May we all figure that out in our own time. May you find the strength to face the days ahead. May your family grow stronger together and may God help you all to heal together and find peace. I thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter with so many of us. She has touched so many lives in her time here on earth.

To the countless friends that have been praying and supporting Tessa and her family, may God truly bless each of you for providing love and comfort to this family. Continue to lift them up, lift each other up. The family is going to need your continued support for many days ahead.

As we all look to the days that God has remaining here on earth for us, may we remember... tomorrow is not a guarantee for us. Reach out to the ones you love, tell them you love them. Hold your babies a little tighter. Let go of the things you can not change, and make better the things you can. Remember to laugh, smile, and look around to the blessings that we all to often overlook. Again, I thank you all for your prayers during this time. I pray that God will touch many hearts and lives and may Tessa forever smile down upon us all.

Tessa... thank you for reminding me how precious life is.

Blessings always...

Darkest night... HE WILL LIFT YOU UP!!!

Have you ever sat alone completely consumed by a single thought? Asking yourself time and time again, why is this happening to me? I sit here tonight with a heart that is so burdened and broken for a family that I grew up knowing. Last week, Tessa was admitted to the hospital and tonight she is struggling, fighting for her life. Her family I'm sure has cried countless tears, cried out to God, questioned God, and sought answers for why their family has been faced with such a difficult fight.

Tessa's life is in the palm of God's hand tonight. I sit here wondering will God restore her strength, or will He call her home? Only God knows. I can't imagine the pain and heartache her family is facing. I have talked to so many friends that know Tessa and we all have the same response, how could this happen... she's so young. We have all been reminded we aren't promised tomorrow. We've all said that we take everything for granted. We complain about a bad day at work, we complain about a little cold or runny nose, our kids being cranky or a messy house, we even complain about sitting in traffic. We complain about the smallest of small things. In the grand scheme of things our day to day problems are a tiny grain of sand compared to what Tessa and her family are facing tonight. I'm sure her family would give anything to have her sitting around the kitchen table, kids running around like indians, or waiting for her to meet them for dinner because she's stuck in traffic. Those things that were once huge in our daily grinds, are nothing compared to the battle they are facing tonight.

The doctors and family don't know if Tessa will pull through her illness or not. She has an infection in her blood. I came here in hopes that those of you that follow my blog and believe that our God is still working miracles, pray for this young wife and mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Please pray for God's will to be done. If it is His will, I ask that He heal Tessa and allow her to go back home and enjoy each and everyday of her life with her family. Let the trial that she has faced be a vivid reminder to each of us, young and old, that the material things of this world mean nothing. It's the relationships we hold dear to our hearts, the giggles of our children, the moments we spend doing for others that really mean the most.

I have tried and tried to think of words to send to the family to show my love and support and I just can't seem to find the right ones to send. I do, however, have a song that I'd like to share with them. It's called, "Everybody needs a little" by Kari Jobe.

Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Come lay your burden on the Word

Come and find
Peace everyone needs a little
Rest everyone needs a little
Joy and a song to sing in the darkest night
Life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little

Sing all ye saints and ye sinners
Call upon the mercy of the Lord
Come sing the song of redemption
Sing about the hope that is to come

He will lift you up
He will lift you up higher than sorrow
He will lift you up
And cover your soul with healing



***Please scroll all the way down the page and pause the music player on the side bar to listen to the song below***

To Tessa and your family, it is my prayer tonight that you find peace, rest, joy, and a song to sing in the darkest night. I can promise you that just in the last week Tessa's life has touched so many of us and shown us that we need to live each day as if it were our last. We need to say I love you and not assume that there's tomorrow. We need to laugh and not argue. We need to come together and not push apart. We need to cherish every moment, and even in our darkest night... we have the promise that God will lift us up, higher than sorrow, and cover our soul with healing. 

If you are reading this, it's not by chance. Please take a moment and pray for Tessa. The power of prayer is unbelievable. I also ask that you examine your own life and ask yourself, if I were faced with dying today would I be ready to meet Christ?  Have you had a time in your life that you accepted Christ as your personal saviour. If not, what better time than now.  It's an easy prayer, one that will change your life forever.  

I thank each and everyone of you that will pray for Tessa. If you do, please leave a comment so the family sees the support and can read your words of comfort. Thank you.

Blessings to you all....

Memory Monday

Unbelievable how much Tucker has changed in a short 365 days. Kind of makes me sad, well maybe not sad but it gives me baby fever!  HUH!  Did I just type that??  Shh, don't tell T-rav! ;)  Just look at that little fuzzy head, those rolls, and have mercy... those cheeks!  Oh sweet niblets he was so darling!

Party til the cows come home!

We may not be partying but we can pretend, right?  We have a new friend that is slowly but surely moving her way to the top of the momma cow totem pole. Her name, I'm sad to say, is Number 8!  I don't know why we, I, have never named this sweet, precious momma but for now she's Number 8. Dare I even say she's a bit sweeter than our beloved Lulla Belle?!  SHHHHHH!!!!  Don't breathe a word that I just said that. Lulla would probably pack up and leave town. Ah, who am I kidding that large, waddle walking momma ain't going anywhere!

Anywho, back to Number 8.  She's one of those cows you can just stand right beside and love on. She's mindful of you being to close to her baby but bring her some bread and you can do whatever you please. A few nights back we went out to check on all the gals in the pasture and I grabbed an old pack of hotdog buns to feed to 8.  She saw us coming and came in a hard trot!

Tucker was holding a bun in his hand and before we could get it to her mouth she had her head turned and was gobbling up that bread. She not only gobbled up the bread but had his arm in her mouth, up to his elbow!!!  His face was hilarious. As I was laughing she decided to lick me up the side of my face. Have you ever been licked by a cow?  Probably not. So let me just tell you it's like having a piece of sandpaper pulled up your cheek.  It definitely caught me off guard that's for sure!!!


8 more than got herself a belly full of bread that night. Her little bull calf was so cute running around trying to figure out why his momma was being so friendly with these outsiders, us. He wasn't quite brave enough to taste the bread just yet. Give him time.

There are some other old faithful gals that we know will take a handout if you find them. Little Red is one of them. She's just the cutest thing. Her baby is a pig. I know, she's really a cow, but indeed she looks like a fat, pudgy pig. Her rump looks more round than I can explain to you!



I'm sure your typical farm living, country girl doesn't get as wrapped up in her cows as I do. I know they have a "purpose" but can't we all just be friends and get along?!  Before I let you go you have to see this adorable little cutie that was hiding all alone in the grass as we headed back to the house. How stinkin' cute????

b.R.o.T.h.E.r.S

They're tough, rambunctious, loud, stinky, bossy, BOYS!

The fight, they pick, they wrestle, and sometimes if we're lucky.... they hug.

***Am I the only one that sees the problem here?***

They're lovable, squeezable, wonderful, giggly, beautiful *yes, I said beautiful* boys. Their my favorite part of everyday!


Without their tender little voices, contagious giggles, mischievous behavior, and endless messes... my days would be oh so very boring.


Days like this one where they were running, giggling, digging in the dirt, are simply priceless!

Tucker Billy

I think Tucker has more names then the top 10,000 baby name book. Here are just a few he goes by:

Tucker
Tucker Bear
Tuck Tuck
Bear

***Turning his back from me to start the pouting process***
Tasmanian Tucker
Houdini
Evil Kenevil
Sugar Bear
Tuck
Tucker Billy... this is Granny Vera's name for him. <3 sweet <3

***Threw his self backwards, then looked to see if I was watching. When he realized I was he flashed me this little grin***
This list could go on and on. For every little personality he lets shine through, he gets a new name. There honestly could be hundreds. He goes from super dee duper sweet, to super rotten in about 2.5 seconds flat. He is all smiles and before you can blink an eye he is throwing himself down and then looks to see if you caught him or not. As you can tell by the 'who me' smile I caught... he was waiting to see if I was watching. CAUGHT YOU TUCKER!  It was all an act.  We've got you figured out you little red headed monster sweet heart!!!

***Typical Tucker***
Love you Tucker Bear!!

I knew this kid, his name is Carter....

His imagination is on fire! The stories he comes up, the adventures he plans to embark upon, the excitement in his voice, the innocence of his soul.... it all amazes me. I remember imagining things as a kid and thinking I could do anything I set my mind too. That is the same way Carter is. I'm sure all five year old boys are a lot like him, but it's fun to sit back and watch his imagination take him into another world. A world that's far different then the moment we're living in. A world where he really is a dragon slayer, or a "baseball boy". That other world was happening in our backyard on Monday afternoon.

After school he watched a few cartoons before asking to go outside. I asked him to give Tucker a few more minutes so I could put him down for a nap and I'd go out with him. He agreed, and it wasn't long and little man was out. As promised, out we went. He made a few laps with his bike and then the real adventure started. He went to my truck and came out with my umbrella. I just watched, wondering what on earth he would do with it. He then went to the box of toys outside and pulled out a spoon (from my kitchen that I've been looking for), a plastic spike (used to play horseshoes), a tire that had broken off his monster truck, and a silk flower. What a combination I thought. I could only imagine what all of this would turn into. He was on a mission.

After gathering all of his things and fighting with the umbrella he asked me to, "please help me with this umbrella!  The wind keeps pulling it away!!!" So, we rigged up the umbrella and I asked him what exactly he was doing with all of that stuff. His reply was simple, "bird hunting momma."  Oh, bird hunting.  Why couldn't I have figured that out to begin with, I mean it was very evident... right?  I let him be and I walked away. He watched patiently for birds to fly over. Occasionally he'd run out from under the umbrella with the wire he had pulled from the silk flower. It was his "stick" to catch the birds.

He waited. He watched. He talked to himself and the birds, and the dogs, and whoever else would listen for over an hour. I finally asked him how it was going and he says to me, "Momma... we're having birds for dinner, but I haven't caught any yet!" Hmm... birds for dinner?  Well, I hope that turns out the way you want it little man.  I sat down beside him and asked him about all of his tools. The tire was to help him knock the birds out of trees and off the fences. The plastic stake was a multipurpose tool, and the flower...well that was "for you momma, I mean to shoo the birds!" How sweet he is, a flower for me.

Watching and listening to him was just fun. It was better than any t.v. show I could have been watching, and it was far more entertaining than the three loads of laundry that were begging to be folded inside. I'd much rather have been sitting right there in that imaginary land of his, where he was the greatest bird hunter known to man that day. The bird hunting came to an end and all of a sudden he became the yard man. He offered to mow my yard for $50 per day, and if he had a meeting in town, he'd send me a bill and come the next day. How considerate of him, aren't you looking for a daily yard man as well?!

We played until the sun was almost completely behind the trees. There was a slight battle against bath time until he realized that to make more money with his lawn business he had to come back another day!  We  scrubbed him down, and it was soon time for bed. He curled up under his covers, asked me for his nightly song and just before I left his room he says to me, "Momma!  Can I come back and bird hunt tomorrow? Oh, and can I finish mowing your yard and get more hay?!"  You most certainly can sweet fellow, see you tomorrow.  Sure enough, tomorrow came and his first request was to mow the yard when he gets home!

As I tell you about this day filled with great adventure I'm reminded of  a song by Lee Ann Womack called, "I knew this kid his name was Michael".  There have been many days since having Carter that this song has reminded me so much of him. He has an outlook on life like you wouldn't believe. Everyday is fun, adventurous, and filled with things we can't always see. The lyrics are below. As you read them, may they make you remember the innocence of our children. The way they see the good in everything and seek out the adventure of life, and most importantly may we see the things of the world through children's eyes.

I knew this kid, his name was Michael
He was only four years old
We sat on a rock and started talkin'
And he told me things I didn't know
He said yesterday he was an Indian
And how he played with buffalo
Well, I got a sense that he had been there
And he made me really wanna go

[Chorus:]
Remember waitin' all year for December
Thought God was cryin' when it rained
And that the stars were fireflies
Dreams were real and big as life
It was forever everyday
I was tuckin' in my little girl
She held my hand and we said a prayer
I prayed, "Bless Grandma with the angels."
And she said, "Hey Mom, she's standin' over there."
Well, I couldn't see her but I don't doubt it
Maybe 'cause I'm older and less wise
What if Heaven's all around us
But only seen through children's eyes
[Repeat Chorus]

They say when you're old you're a child again
But do we have to wait 'till then 
[Repeat Chorus]

Forever
I knew this kid his name was Michael