Looking back....

Thinking back to a year ago, I think of how much my little Carter, my baby, has changed.  He's no longer a baby, no longer a toddler, but I my friends I have myself a little boy.  I have a child that is full of excitement, full of laughter, full of questions, and full of love.  Those are all things that have not changed in the last year.  I don't truly think those things will ever change.  But, the past year I've watched my toddler turn into that little boy that all momma's dream of.  He mimics his Daddy's every move, and wants so much to be just like the 'big boys'!  Even the way he talks has changed.  His conversations are so mature sounding, and the things he pays attention to I would think a three year old could care less about.

He started preschool last year at Sonshine Christian Academy.  He first started off in the k2 class, but quickly moved to k3.  His teacher was Mrs. Rose, and what a true blessing she is.  She has a knack for teaching young children and even better, she's a Christian.  She greets the children every morning with a smile, and truly won Carter's heart right away (mine too)!  I am so grateful for her patience, her time, and her willingness to teach.  It is so bitter sweet for me to watch him learn and grow.  He came home on Tuesday with his backpack and so excited that he had a "good day" and was able to get a sticker and a stamp.  That's a big deal, trust me! :)  That means he did everything he was told on that day and did not get his name turned. Preschool has taught him to share, to be kind, to listen, and the normal things you would expect as well (colors, numbers, letters, etc.).  The thing I love most, is the days I would pick him up and then the next day he would be playing and I'd hear him start singing "this is the day, this is the day, that the Lord hath made...  I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad!"  Or, to hear his sweet little voice sing Jesus loves me, or The B.I.B.L.E, truly melts my heart.  There's nothing sweeter then to hear a little child praying to God, or singing praises to His name.

When I dropped him off this morning, not sure if my hormones (which are still out of whack) got the best of me or if I'm just truly a sappy person but I cried as I told Ms. Rose thank you for being such a blessing in my life.  She has taught my sweet child things that I'm sure will stick with him forever.  I feel so blessed that God has let me be a part of Carter's life.  The small things like learning the alphabet, counting, or singing a song are priceless.  This week, knowing that come August he will be in Pre-K, has really shaken me up.  I've sat back this week, let him let loose and just be.  My baby is not my "baby" anymore, and that truly saddens me.  Oh, what I would give to go back and relive the past three years.  But then the other side of me is so eager to watch him continue to grow and learn.  I think about what kindergarten will be like. Watching him get on the bus for the first time... ooh, that one's going to be tough!  All these little things I never thought would get to me, well they are.  

I used to tell my mom, "you have to let your children leave the nest.  You have to let them grow, you have to let them be on their own and make their own mistakes!!"  I sit here now knowing just how desperately my mother wished she could keep us as small children.  There is just something about a child, a small child.  Their joy, their innocence, it's refreshing.  I'm already dreading the days when my children want to go elsewhere rather then being with old mom or dad.  The silence that will fill our home, I'm sure will be deafening.  I want the very best for them both.  I want their lives to be full, content, and memorable.  I know for them to be completely happy I have to let go and watch them grow, but why must it be so hard?  So bittersweet?  If only I could make time stand still.  

My cup runneth over

Jen

Carter bug...

Momma loves you more and more with each day that God allows me to wake up to your smiling face.  I am so proud of you, and want you to know that you have my heart.  You are my best pal, and I thank you for being my little ray of sunshine.  As this summer passes and you start back to Pre-K, I pray God's blessings on you.  I know you will have so much fun, and I can't wait to see what you learn and to watch you grow even more my big boy!  You amaze me each and everyday, and the joy you bring to my life is something I hope you one day understand.  I could never explain to you how very, very much I love you.  Thank you again, for being you!!

I love you to the moon and back.... momma.