A little thing that makes me smile...

Recently there is a new little something that makes me smile and get a little teary eyed. Carter has hit the stage of singing little songs that he hears here and there. Today I picked him up from school, and we came home to play in the yard for a bit. Two hours later and lots of dirt later, we came inside for him to take a bubble bath. I ran the water, he splashed and played and I stepped out for just a minute. As I walked back down the hall to check on him I hear, "on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed....." I stopped dead in my tracks and just smiled.

He's been singing little snippets of different songs lately, but this one I've never sang to him. He must have heard it at school and it has finally stuck in his little brain. A little brain that is churning a million miles a minute, and recording every little thing he hears. He then started singing about "David, David..." I wasn't sure what that was all about, so I asked him. He responded with, "Momma... David and the giant, Go-li-ef!" Again, I smiled, my heart went pitter patter, and once again I was broad sided with the fact that my little boy is growing up with every passing moment of the day. The innocence within him, the genuineness, the joy, that smile, and those sparkling little eyes. He gets me the most though when I'm in the middle of something, and he says, "Momma..." I've caught myself responding with a quick, "what Carter?!?" Then he walks closer to me and wraps his arms around my leg and says, "I wubb you!" (((Interpreted as... I LOVE YOU!))) This usually happens at the most unusual, unexpected times. Each time it happens, I look at it as God's way of telling me... 'jennifer, you're going to fast. He's only going to be this size for so long. enjoy it, or you'll miss it.' Talk about a lot to swallow. God has a very unique way of getting to me.

The past week has been a little bitter sweet for me. As I've mentioned, the thought of being someone other then just Carter's mommy has been having it's way with me. I'm a little, nah.. who am I kidding, I'm very concerned about how Carter is going to react to our very near future. I fret over will I be able to have enough time for them both, how will I make him still feel like he is my A #1 priority? I have been trying to make the very best of these days that are just me & him. My little buddy, my heart, my partner in crime :)! He's my whole heart, my life for the past three years, and I don't want in any way shape or form for things to change between us. Will they, yes. That's inevitable. Little moments like tonight make me wish I could turn back time just for a moment and relive my last three years. (((I'm an emotional train wreck right now as I type this... sobbing, and picturing little things from the past))) Five years ago, I would have thought 'three years, that's nothing!' Tonight, it's clear as day that each day, each moment, each year... is EVERYTHING.

I've heard most moms that are soon to deliver their second child talk about concerns of "will I love the second one as much as the first?" That is not my concern at all. My true concern is that I want to be able to give both of them, all of me. Unselfishly, joyfully, whole heartedly. I don't want to look back when they are grown and say, why didn't I enjoy those days with them? I don't want to look at them raising their children and say, "I wish I would have spent more time with you." I want my children to remember a mom that made things fun, made them feel like they were the most important kids in the world. I want them to remember a mom that let the dishes sit a bit longer, to go sit in the grass with them. Or a mom that didn't care if they ate all their veggies one night and just had junk food for dinner. I want to be the mom that just has fun.

Life is so incredibly short. We're not promised tomorrow. God could take me, my husband, or my children at any given time. I'm not one to make new year resolutions, just never been my thing. This year, however, I'm going to make a promise... not a resolution, but a promise to myself to be a better mom. The mom that brings a smile to my children's faces when they are old enough to realize the important things in life. The things that I have on my priority list that really don't matter are soon to be bumped for more important time spent with my children. God has been trying to open my eyes more then ever, and I think it's time for me to stop and listen. He's granted me this perfect gift. A life of pure joy, with an amazing husband, a child that is more joy then any other I know, and another child that will bless me in so many more ways. I'll never really understand why God has chosen me for this life, I'm grateful but so unworthy of it. So my promise to myself & my family, it's going to take work but it is my prayer, my true cry to God to make me the mother & wife I should be. With Christ all things are possible, right? I trust this, I believe this, and I'm going to hold strong to this.

To my husband & children,
You are my reason for my next breath. You are the most amazing gifts I could have ever dreamed possible! I'm so grateful to have you in my life and I pray that I can bring you as much joy & laughter as you have brought to me. May God bless our lives with many years of contentment and peace as a family!

Looking forward to the days of head filled with little moments like tonight that will just warm my soul!

blessed...
Jen