Thursday, January 22, 2009

Loving two...

Yesterday as I was passing sometime, on a photography board that I love one of the mother's asked a question about having two children. Would things be chaotic and hectic for weeks, or would things become routine fairly quickly? Hmm, does anyone remember someone else having those same thoughts... yep! Me! :) As so many of you have responded to me, the original poster was reassured that everything would work out. Routines would once again fall into place, there would be enough ways to love two or more children, your fears will soon disappear, and life as you know it will go on.

As I'm sure this other mother is, those word are reassuring, but the fear is still there until we step into the new world of "I'm a mother of two!" One of the other mothers posted this sweet poem that I found so touching, and true. I copied it to have so that I can remind myself & Carter that our lives are just becoming more special.

I walk along holding your 3-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?
Then he is born, and I watch you.
I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" and I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't".
Knowing in fact that I never can again.
You cry, I cry with you.
I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine.
The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two.
There are new times -- only now we are three.
I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.
I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you.

This saying has really helped calm some of my many fears. I am bringing another joy to the family, can't wait to see how little Tucker brings smiles to our faces and more love to our hearts!!! Can't wait to see you Tucker, I love you!!!

31 weeks 3 days......2/52 weeks
Me with my two boys :) (((31 weeks pregnant)))

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