Will I ever be patient?

I sit here a bit frazzled, a bit overwhelmed, and a bit annoyed by the chaos that surrounds me tonight.  It's not really chaotic, I suppose, but what I would give to have just a little bit of calmness, some quietness, and maybe just a little stillness?  The boys are on some high octane sugar high, how I have no clue, but they are.  They are running ninety miles an hour, yelling and giggling at the top of their lungs, playing with the loudest (most annoying) toys they can find under this roof and my friends my nerves are shot.

I thought since it was such a beautiful, semi-warm day here that we would spend the afternoon outside. I sent Carter out before Tucker and I headed out so that I could get dinner ready to pop in the oven when we came back in. My plan was to come in, do baths while dinner was cooking and we'd have a nice ready to eat meal when we were done.  Do you think that happened?  No, nope, sure didn't.  Before I made it outside with Tucker I looked out to find Carter shin deep in mud and soaking wet.  Now keep in mind I said it was "semi-warm" meaning it was in the mid to upper 60's.  Yeah, sounds great huh? Well for Floridians that's a bit chilly, at least these Floridians on Cow Bird Lane.  I just sighed to myself as I headed out the door and silently prayed, please Lord don't let him get pneumonia he already has a cold. I made my way to him only to find him holding a rock above his head when he says, "hey mom! watch this!!!" He goes to throw it and the large, heavy rock falls on the top of his head. Anyone that knows our dear little Carter knows that the drama went flying. Tears were streaming and you'd have thought that he had cut his arms and legs off.  Granted, I know it hurt but my stars this child is dramatic.  I finally got him calmed down enough to get on his bike and head back to the yard.

Where was Tucker you might ask? Well that little red headed monkey was in the front yard yelling to me, "SHOE MOMMA, SHOE!"  He couldn't keep his rubber Elmo boots on to save his pea pickin' life.  If I put those boots on once, I promise you I put them on 10 times within a 20 minute period.  When he did have his boots on he was throwing fire wood off of the front porch and rattling on in that 22 month old language that I've yet to comprehend. It wasn't long until he spotted the four-wheeler sitting quietly calling his name. He is so addicted to that thing it's almost sad. He went in to melt down mode not long after his four-wheeler ride.

During his melt down Carter was having a melt down because he was "freezing" and he had to pee.  My afternoon outside was quickly falling apart. I escorted my two, very unhappy little boys back inside. One willing (Carter), the other was buckin' and snortin' like a mad bull.  Any other time Tucker would gladly welcome a bath. Not today. He screamed, he kicked, he bowed his back and for what reason I haven't the foggiest of foggy ideas. After bath time they both got out and it was like they had been injected with speed. Running, yelling, picking at each other, hitting each other, and ramming there metal dump trucks together as if they were demolition men.  All of this was going on while I was trying to cook dinner. I had potatoes to boil, corn and green beans to prepare, and a meatloaf baking in the oven.

The meatloaf was a complete flop. For whatever reason it completely fell apart. The potatoes were lumpy, the corn was chewy, and the green beans well they were the only thing fitting to eat.  Tucker was in his chair, then out of his chair. Everything on his plate, still in the exact spot that I spooned it out. He ate nothing. Carter, well if you call what he did eating then okay.  He pushed his meatloaf around and picked at it, nibbled on a few green beans and critiqued me on each item. He informed me that I cooked the meatloaf, potatoes, and corn too long.

As I washed dishes and the circus around me continued I thought to myself, they're driving you nuts right now but you will miss this. As I swept the floor, for the third time today, I thought to myself, will I ever miss sweeping the floor multiple times a day?  I know that I will. I know that I'll miss their tiny giggles that are already beginning to change. As I wiped the table and I looked into the living room there stood the most adorable little boy in a baby blue onesie and as his back faced me it took me back to a warm Spring afternoon, that I vividly remember. Carter walked side by side with Travis in a onesie just like that one. Honestly this was probably the first time I've ever considered the two, Carter and Tucker, to look alike. For that brief second all the chaos around me was silent as I looked over to Carter only to realize that he will soon be six. It seemed as if the little boy in the onesie was him for a moment until I was back in reality. I know it doesn't matter about the dishes that get piled high, the messes that seem never ending, and the floors that seem to produce dust and dirt every hour.  I know I'm going to miss these days. All to soon the evenings will be still. Eating dinner with Travis will be a calm, and eerily quiet. It's when I have this "ah-ha!" moment that I feel ever so guilty for even getting annoyed or frazzled.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2

I purchased a daily devotional for myself and two of my dear friends. It is called "The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional" The above verse was mentioned regarding showing patience. From this devotional and the words of Ephesians 4:2 it is my prayer that God will bless me with patience. My mother has always said, "patience is a virtue". Unfortunately I don't think it's in my d.n.a.  However, I do believe that each day as a mother, since day one on August 19, 2005, that God is teaching me patience. He's showing me things that I never thought I'd tolerate, I can tolerate.  I admit that having patience with my children is something that I struggle with daily. I all to often find myself feeling guilty for the lack of attention I have at one point or another, the sharp tongue I answer with, or the chaos I take for granted. I know that through prayer and my faith in God that this too will change. Hmm, Rome wasn't built in a day, was it?!  So I'm not giving up that God is still working on me daily and will some day provide me with more patience.

Change me God. Change my thoughts, change my priorities, and change my heart. May I always remember that my boys will never be this size again and their precious pitter patter will soon be gone.  Teach me to understand that my to-do list can wait and that I must enjoy the moment that you have blessed me with.  May my attitude be humble and my words always gentle.

***As I close this, Tucker is babbling at the top of his lungs like an opera singer from the kitchen.  Good night my dear friends***