I'm going to be very honest tonight, as a reminder to myself. I've discussed that I have whirlwind days around here, days that I feel I accomplish absolutely nothing. This year alone has been trying going from having one child to two. We've had colic, we've had just pure out grumpiness, but that doesn't matter. I've had days that I long for nap time, I long for quietness, but I have to stop doing that. I have to stop worrying about the dust, the laundry that's building mounds, and quit wishing nap time would come sooner. My children will only be this size once. They'll only need me this much for such a short time in their lives. I worry about things that really don't matter. It is my prayer tonight that God will show me even on my toughest of days that the whining, or the crying, the messes, whatever it may be that day are blessings. I pray that I find a calm, and a way to enjoy the times that normally make me want to pull my hair out. All to often, I lose it. I get frustrated when I really shouldn't, and I need reminding that I can't stress the small stuff. I say this to say that I've been praying to God seeking a way to be a better mother. A more calm, laid back, go with the flow mom. I want to be a mom that my boys enjoy... everyday! I don't want them to remember a mom that yells or constantly says no, or has too many 'un-necessary' rules (come on, you know what I'm talking about).
Tonight when I clicked on Layla's story and read the words her mother had written there was no doubt in my mind that God led me to that blog. He led me there to show me that I have so very much to be thankful for. I have healthy children. That alone is one of the greatest blessings I could ever have. I take so much for granted. So what that Tucker's cutting his fourth tooth this week, had diarrhea, and a low-grade fever. This week I thought I was going to lose my mind at some points. He wouldn't let me put him down, he only wanted me. Looking back now, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I take for granted that he's waddling up and down the hall, dragging toys from one room to the other, or spilling milk or cookie crumbs on my freshly mopped floors. He's healthy, so why am I complaining? I hate to admit I watched the clock for nap time. How dare I? How dare I not want to spend every waking moment listening to their sweet voices? I prayed for these children, and now I pray for nap time?! How absolutely ungrateful do I sound??? These are all questions I've been pondering since I read this story.
Tonight, this mother that I don't even know has reminded me that holding my boys is the most important thing on my to-do list for today, tomorrow, next week, and three months from now. Playing Hi-Ho CherryO for the tenth time is what really matters. Layla's mother dreams of having 'those' days back. Sweet Layla has been diagnosed with cancer, and she is really struggling with it now. This family, like all of us, is not promised tomorrow with Layla. They are living their lives minute by minute, second by second. I'm not promised tomorrow with my boys. I have to live each day as if it were their last. I can still be their "Momma" and have rules, but I must let go of the little things. Their giggles won't sound this way forever. Their cries, won't last forever. The chaotic evenings will soon be a thing of the past. One day I'll stand within these four walls and dream of having the noise, the ruckus, the busyness back in my life. Just moments ago, Carter says, "Daddy, can I just sleep in your room on the floor? I only have two mommy and daddy days (a.k.a Saturday and Sunday)" I would usually say no, you need to sleep in your room. Not tonight. He's in our room lying on the floor watching Swamp Loggers. If those are the little things that he'll remember, then so be it. Times are changing around here, you here me?!
Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for not enjoying each and every moment that You have given me with Carter and Tucker. Forgive me for wishing days away, or wishing for the peaceful days of my past. Change me Lord, make me into the mother You would have me to be. Let me be a mother that doesn't wish the day away. Teach me to be more compassionate, and understanding on the days when they need me more then most. Thank You for this sweet family that is battling cancer with their young child. Give them comfort, peace, and strength. I pray that You wrap Your loving arms around them and let them know they are not alone. Carry them, may their hearts never lose the joy they've shared with Layla. May their final days with her be peaceful. We don't understand why cancer strikes, Lord, but we know you are in control. I pray that through this little girl that Your love will be shown. I pray that you bless this family even in their extreme time of need. I thank you that I came across their story, because it has changed my heart. Amen.
I don't have a huge number of followers, but it's not about numbers. God doesn't care how many there are, He just cares that we all come together. I ask each of you that reads this post tonight to keep this dear family in your prayers. I am proof tonight that you do not have to know someone to be touched by their story, or to pray for them. If this story has touched your heart tonight, please visit http://laylagrace.org/ and let the family know you are praying for them. Thank you!