Thursday, August 19, 2010

Five Years Blessed!

Five years ago today my life changed for the better. I woke up early that summer morning filled with hope, anxiety, jitters, joy, anticipation, and a slight bit of fear. It was the day I would hold my first born. I never dreamed that day that I would become a stronger, more loving, understanding person... but I did.  I still remember the day as if it were just mere moments ago, but it was exactly five years ago this very hour. The full moon was shining brightly as I welcomed my precious, perfect, 7 pound 10 ounce, baby boy into the world. The moment my eyes saw him I fell in love. That love has grown deeper and stronger with each day that has passed. As I held him in my arms I knew that I found my purpose in life. I looked at that little round face, head full of dark brown hair, and I knew God had meant for me to have this sweet child. I still look at him in sheer amazement and wonder why God saw me as the one to watch over such a perfect child. I thank God daily for him, his smile, his eyes that sparkle like diamonds, his giggle that is contagious, the compassion he has at such a young age, and the love he has for life itself. He is the kind of child that brings a smile into the room, regardless of where he is.
As this day has approached I've debated whether it would be emotional for me or not. Well, here I sit at 9:36 p.m. writing about our life the past five years and it's not until this moment that I've began to cry.  As I watched him fall so peacefully to sleep tonight I close my eyes and I picture that hospital room the night I held him for the first time, then I open my eyes and it's like I fast pressed fast forward and here we are. I can't turn back the hands of time or hit rewind but it's the memories of the most amazing five years of my life that I treasure and hold so dear to my heart.
Rain, rain, go away...
Every mother is grateful for their child, but my children are my purpose. They are the reason I wake to see the sun each day. I never imagined during the nine months that I carried him that I would be so overwhelmed by the outpouring love I feel for him. There are days I'd like to erase or do over but that's the beauty of being a parent... children forgive us for the bad days and they help remind us to look forward to the brighter days. Carter is an inspiration to me, a beacon of hope, and a reminder that life is about today, this moment, and the laughter. I feel as if I owe him so many thank you's for the many lessons he's taught me. I never dreamed before becoming a parent that I'd be the student being taught by my child, but so many times that has been the case. The forgiving spirit, the innocence, and the trust that he puts into so many people and things. He always sees the brighter side of life.

I couldn't be more grateful for the many blessings that Carter has brought to me, our entire family, and friends. Today has been a fun day filled with all the things Carter wanted to do. Pancakes for breakfast (with a Coke, cause it's his birthday), Burger King for lunch cause it's another favorite, playing on the slip 'n slide and under the water hose cause it's stinking hot... hot.. hot here, and tacos for dinner cause it's another favorite (and he had another coke), fishing with Dad and Nana, cake with lots of "cream" (icing), a good night song and lots of hugs and kisses. Now he lays ever so peacefully in his bed. I've always loved watching him sleep. I'm sure tonight as I kiss him one last time before going to bed I'll wipe away a tear or two.
He once fit so perfectly in my arms, now I have to beg him to snuggle with me but he finally caves and let's me win. His tiny little feet once so narrow and small, now growing bigger and bigger and almost impossible to keep clean. His giggle once so small, now more contagious than wild fire. His eyes once so tiny and bright, now sparkle with every smile he shares. His tiny fingers once wrapped around pinky, now a little palm that fits perfectly inside mine. Once a heart so fresh and new, now filled with love and laughter for me and you.
Today is bittersweet. I remember hearing that growing up an thinking it was such a silly saying. I now know that it is something that parents feel as they watch their children grow. On one hand, I'm blessed to see him healthy, growing and moving on to the next chapter of his life. On the other hand, I want to flip back a few chapters and start over again because the book has been so wonderful up to this point. It's then that I have to remind myself... it can only get better. I look forward to the next five years and pray that God continues to bless our family with each day and year that passes.
Carter bug...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!!!  You're my heart and soul. I look forward to each and every day with you. The things you'll say, or get into, or the stories you will tell, they all make you just who you are. You're fun, energetic, spontaneous, funny, kind, loving, compassionate, and my best bud. I don't know what my life would be without you. You complete our family in more ways then one. You bless so many people in so many ways. I thank you for loving me unconditionally and it is my prayer each day to be a better momma to you.
You've been asking me if I'm sad that you're turning 5, no my sweet boy I'm not sad I'm happy. I wish you the most amazing childhood a little boy can have. I wish you muddy feet, rodeos, monster trucks, and cows galore. May each day that you wake be an adventure. Find the things that make you smile and hold onto them. Remember that your family is always here for you and our love for you will never stop. I am so very proud of you today, and I know that God has great, great plans for your life. I pray that you come to know Him at a young age and that you will live your life pleasing to Him. Live your life for God and you're sure to have a life of happiness, love, and countless blessings. I thank God for giving you to me.  I hope your birthday is one you'll always remember.

I love you to the moon and back a thousand times!  Sweet dreams little man... I love you.

Forever and always,


Susan said...

Just so you know, it's 11:01 p.m. and I'm bawling tears right now. Not because Carter's 5, but because everything you've said is exactly what I feel about my sweet boy.

The Reinolds said...

Jen, I LOVE these big boy pics of Carter. I can't believe he's five. :) May he continue to grow in wisdom, stature, and knowledge of Christ!!!!